Setting The Scene, From J

The lowdown on my life? Far less dramatic than C's, I can assure you, because sadly, I am not in love. I don't think I ever have been and I am starting to doubt that I will ever even notice when Cupid pricks me with an arrow. How does one know when they are in love - how can you seperate feelings of lust between feelings of another, more over-used L word?
I did think I was in love with 'the ex' - if you can even call him that. In fact, let's name him by the trait he is best know for: being Emotionally Unintelligent. He was so uncaring, self-centred and downright thick that we spent three months 'together', yet emotionally on totally different pages. I had allowed myself to become trapped in a relationship that didn't even truly qualify as a relationship, because he couldn't be bothered to make the effort to take that step into couplehood. What a lovely lad he turned out to be.
My point is that during the Christmas holidays - which I have learned are as much about loneliness as festive cheer - he was having massages on some faraway beach whilst I was still stuck in relationship purgatory back in busy, grey London. All that loneliness and abundant free time manifested itself in a ridiculous fantasy of mine, in which Emotionally Unintelligent was the complete opposite of himself. I built up an alter-ego and fell in love with it.
In my alternative world, he was kind and sweet. He told me how much he valued what we had, as well as showing it in the way he held me close. I played over reels and reels of sappy movie scenes in my head, where we were the ones kissing in the rain and walking hand in hand down the street. He was my Leo, my Brad, my George. He was himself - only better.
It took me a long time to realise that I was in love with a fabrication of my own touchy-feely Hollywood vision of what romance should be, not the boy I was so distant from.
All in all, to this day, although I am only sixteen, I have never been in love. Probably not even close. I have the rest of my life for love, but I am so very impatient so anytime soon would be nice....

I'll keep you posted

J
♥