The Lowdown From C

Right, so I kind of stupidly fell in love with someone who lives in France. To be honest, I always knew I would fall for someone who lived in a different country, and although I know that I am waaay too young for him to possibly be 'The One', and that 'your teenage years are all about heartbreak' (reassuring words from J's mother), this does not change the fact that I have, in fact, fallen for him and that now I have no clues what the fuck to do. When I'm at school, although I go on about him all the time, repeating countless stupid stories again and again to whoever will listen, it's not so bad as I am distracted, have work to do and other people's problems to listen to. HOWEVER, the worst part is the evenings, where rather than doing work that is way past due, I find myself sitting in front of the computer, staring at the little 'chat' box with his name on it urging it to turn green, waiting for an inbox for him which never comes, and my heart jumping every time my phone bleeps with a text, never from him of course.

These joyous evenings often end with a minor breakdown of tears accompanied by the songs on my depressing playlists that I made just so I could feel as though someone understood how I felt. This is really bad. I am going to fail my Big Exams because of this boy, and for what? It's not as though I'm going to see him anytime soon, and when he does actually bother to reply to my messages, they disappoint heavily. Tonight for example, after four days of silence, he, rather untactfully, tells me about a party he is going to this weekend where 'it will be fun as there are no parents so we can sleep over :) dont tell my mum haha :p'. Oh yes, HOW HILARIOUS. So I will be in the countryside, bored out of my mind, surrounded by old people and dreaming of a cigarette, while he is 'having some fun' with god knows who. I am aware that I sound like an old woman here, but I simply do not want to know about this. I mean, I'm not naive enough to think he's going to stay away from girls until we see eachother again, but this piece of unnecessary information is doing me no good and just making me depressed thinking of him with other girls, so why did he decide to tell me? There are two options here: 1- he could be trying to push me away as he has realised there is no point in us liking eachother as we are only ever going to see eachother twice a year, and there really is no future for us, or 2- he is a complete imbecile.

I'm praying to the sweet lord above that it's the second option.

Another night of depression awaits... And who ever said being in love was amazing. Yeah. No. I need to get a grip.

♥ C