The Lovely Bones

We've gone back to how we were a few months after the summer, where we'd started drifting and conversations were strained. Can't deal with this this soon, it's only been a month and a week for goodness' sake! I'm nowhere near ready to move on/let go! I can't even bloody bring myself close to getting with someone else; even when I'm totally pissed and there's someone beside me who's up for it, I still manage to stop myself (and let me tell you that is a mean feat when I am so drunk that I can barely see)!

To try and pass the time I have been on tumblr for hours on end; the obsession has gotten worse, I physically cannot stop myself from going through every page on every blog that seems remotely interesting. I have become addicted to staring at pictures of beautifully skinny girls; not very healthy, especially since the pictures have inspired me. Not in a "I want to lose weight and be skinny so that I can look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry" kind of way (although that is also part of it), but mainly because, terrible as it is to say, I want him to take notice of me. I want him to be worried about me, scared for me, and I know that is a horrible thing to wish upon someone, but I simply can't help it. Doesn't everyone crave a bit of attention? It's a way of seeing if someone really cares for you, and it's reassuring when you have people around you who want to look after you.


Looking at that picture, her beautifully sharp hipbones, you know something is wrong- that's what I love about it. It's the fragility of a skinny person that I find so mesmerising, it's like a way of externalising how they feel inside. So maybe if he saw me looking noticeably skinnier, he'd worry. Or maybe he'd go off me completely due to my lack of boobs. I don't know, but maybe it's worth a try? Because then, I found this picture:

And the thought of that scares me a million times more than being hungry for a while.
♥ C